Friday, July 29, 2011

Your Summer Vacation on Earth

This is your captain.

Welcome to the end of July in Albuquerque, NM.

Albuquerque, New Mexico is the name of the sprawling aggregate of living beings, sentient and non-sentient, their habitations, associated industry, infrastructure and other three-dimensional manifestations now live preview-screening on telepathic-link channel 137. We passed through some of its higher vibratory states about
three zodes ago, and will presently be materializing in the upper atmosphere directly above our destination, craftily disguised as an approaching thunderstorm.

Since it is monsoon season
in the Duke City (albeit in a time of drought), our approach, divestment of passengers and subsequent departure will most likely go unnoticed. Nonetheless, in the event you are approached by local inhabitants or their agents, it is important that you utilize one of the narratives which was available for download, preflight. If you have not received one of these downloads, please contact a flight attendant. Be aware that downloading this app during approach and landing may cause severe headaches and mental disturbances up to and including momentary confusion and anxiety.

In order to invoke the app, begin repeating the first paragraph of the narrative, which depending on the theme you've chosen, should go something like the three following examples:

"I am visiting from the another, less eccentric town. I am checking out the local economic situation
. I really dig downtown. I wish they had a supermarket, though."

"I adore this town, it is so quirky! The rough bits turn me on. But it really doesn't need all these cars."

"I am a local blogger."

Everybody got that? Good.

Before I rejoin sub-captain LXG-31 on the bridge, here are some useful details about your randomly chosen vacation playland; for a few hearty colonists, your new home and place of study; finally, for the remainder of passengers. the place to which you have been exiled.

A combination of high altitude, geographic positioning and the deleterious effects of industrial processes and energy extraction activities by the dominant sentient beings have resulted in extreme environmental conditions in various locations on the planet,
including Albuquerque, New Mexico and the outlying environs. In the middle of summer, the weather is very hot and dry, but interspersed with occasional and relatively brief periods of heavy rainfall. Sometimes, by the end of the season, there is a a calescent wind which blows across the plateaus. Reports indicate it makes the cows and cacti febrile as it passes.

For these reasons, it is strongly advised that you avoid exposure and endeavor to remain indoors during
peak solar hours, which generally fall between ten in the morning and four in the afternoon, local time. If you must make use of the indigenous forms of mechanized travel available in Albuquerque, New Mexico, during those same hours, please be certain beforehand that such devices have sustainable environmental control units associated with them.

In such circumstances, all passengers in your company should be accounted for on a continual basis; solar-related tragedies are
not beyond any of our experiences, yet it must be avoided, through forethought, at all costs.

Finally, folks, since we are basically on a mission of peace and mercy, you are hearby advised of the following: Directive 23a, concerning contact with non-federated, flesh-borne
entities, is hereby rescinded under the following conditions, which you may encounter in Albuquerque, New Mexico this late summer: If you witness any living creature obviously trapped in a hot, mechanized, human-generated or operated vehicle, please choose instant download option (for telepathic transmission) number 99m while you engage the following actions:

Use your mobile communications device to access
the portion of the electromagnetic spectrum that humans use for telegraphic communication and contact the authorities.

Quickly note the position of the living entity trapped within and assess its condition. If necessary, locate a window as far away as possible from the being. With the being's life and safety your primary focus, break the window and attempt to retrieve and revive the child, animal or adult who was trapped before your intervention. Wait for humans to arrive and fully cooperate with them, including admitting responsibility for committing an ostensibly illegal act in order to save a life. Then, while repeating the introductory communicative phrases listed above, vanish into the emergency subspace escape portal provided by your travel agent.

Enjoy your stay in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Thanks again for flying Trans-Galactic, where Space is the Place

Captain out.